<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>after everything, I still love you by mxniatrax</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813232">after everything, I still love you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxniatrax/pseuds/mxniatrax'>mxniatrax</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dom Alex, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Trust Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxniatrax/pseuds/mxniatrax</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the movie Malcom and Marie</p><p>or the one where Alex and Luke have make up sex</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>after everything, I still love you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is a lot different from my other story (No More Secrets) so if you don't like smut, pls don't read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex stuck his key into the door knob of their apartment, yawning. He and Luke had a long night having dinner with Luke’s parents and having a few drinks with Mitch behind Emily’s back. They were nineteen, and Mitch said as long as they weren’t drunk, they should be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they stepped into their apartment, Luke threw his jacket onto the floor and stumbled into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? You’re just gonna leave that there?” Alex shakes his head and picks it up for him. Luke doesn’t answer and goes digging into their fridge. He doesn’t find anything enticing, so he just shuts it and doesn’t dare look at Alex before turning to the living room. “Are you mad at me?” Alex asks, hanging up his jacket along with Luke’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Luke says so nonchalantly, turning on the television. Alex makes an attempt to find anything worth eating too, quickly giving up and joining Luke on the couch. He gives him a few peppered kisses to the lips and then wraps his arm around his shoulders. Luke looks up at him like he’s asking a question, and Alex usually knows what he’s asking, but right now he really doesn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he’s expecting him to ask for sex or something in that nature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get me some ice cream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs with relief, “Of course.” he stands up, and bends down to kiss him again before heading off to the kitchen. “You know, I think your parents are really starting to like the band.” he calls, opening the fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m just glad they still don’t want to come to our shows. They would have a heart attack if they heard Late Last Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Late Last Night was a song written by Bobby about sexual pleasure. All of the guys related to it and decided to put it on their demo, but they only played it at clubs, never anywhere it could reach little ears, or parental ones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, it’s a step in the right direction.” Alex hands him a bowl of scooped ice cream from their freezer, and plops back down into his spot. “I think it’s sweet that they want to be in your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because your parents are way worse, doesn’t mean mine deserve to be in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew he would regret that comment. And it sucks because he thought he had just lifted his spirits. “Luke, I never said that. All I said was that they’re trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, they need to try harder.” he takes another bite. “I mean, they wanted to talk to me about how we couldn’t fuck under their roof like, fuck you, I’m an adult, and this is my house too. That’s why I’m glad Bobby and Reg gave up their half of the gig money so we could afford this place. Now I can suck your dick wherever and whenever I want.” he crosses his legs on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s side are you on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours,” Alex kisses his hair, “I’m always on yours, I just think that maybe you should give them a break because they let us move in together even though they knew what we’d be up to. You have to condone them for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, I don’t. And they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>parents, you don’t know what it was like living with them for nineteen years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was your friend for twelve years, and then your boyfriend for three, I think I know how they are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, I suggest that if you don’t want tonight to go the way I see it going, you should shut up. I am their son, not you, so just butt out.” he scrapes the melted chocolate onto the spoon and feeds it to himself before it can spill onto his clothes. He leans forward, setting the bowl on the table in front of their couch, leaving Alex’s arms empty and cold, before pressing back into them moments later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright,” Alex kisses the skin behind Luke’s ear where he knows he can get a rise out of him. “I’ll just let it be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Luke crosses his arms, paying no attention to the pleasure he is receiving. But he doesn’t go much time at all until his chest is heaving and he wants more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it sweetheart?” Alex pouts, continuing to tease him in all the right places.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” Luke breathes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please what?” Alex knows how to get him going. And rightfully so, it’s working.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me suck your dick.” and then Luke is the one leaving kisses on Alex’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Works like a charm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re gonna have to want it more than that.” Alex was just messing with him at this point. But it was arousing to see Luke begging for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guitarist mounts Alex’s hips, and takes off his shirt, flinging it to the floor. “Now can I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiles and brings his lips to Luke’s stomach, holding him in place. “You know,” he sinks his teeth into the flesh there, “I need to get in the shower. Can you wait for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes.” Luke gulps, not quite processing the question, but agreeing anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Alex pushes Luke aside and heads for their bedroom. “And if I find out you made yourself come, you get nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke finally understands what is going on, “Don’t take your anger out on me because I made you drive home.” he assumes. “I was tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That has nothing to do with this. Okay? You always jerk off when I leave you alone, and maybe tonight I wanted to make you feel good without it being your second time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t I deserve to get to unwind at night after a long day with your sorry ass?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserve nothing.” Alex towers over him, “You’re a brat, and you should consider yourself lucky that I even fuck you half the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you call me that, you sound like my mom.” Luke pushes him away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, she’s not wrong. All you ever do is complain, ‘oh Alex, I want ice cream’ and ‘oh Alex, I want to go home’ well guess what Luke, you’re not getting anything. I’m taking my shower and then we’re going to bed.” he turns back to their bedroom, but Luke follows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you, Alex! I do not complain. Can you just shut the fuck up, and fuck me like you used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe I would if you were still the old you.” he knows it’s wrong as soon as it leaves his lips. Luke was really close to his grandparents, and when they died in a car accident, he was never the same. He would more regularly ask if he was loved by him, and just be more clingy in general. It wasn’t his fault, and Alex knew that, but Luke can be so in your face sometimes, and that’s the only thing that can make him step back and remember that he isn’t the only one in this relationship that can yell really hurtful things. “I didn’t mean it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you said it.” he throws his shirt back over his head, “And there’s no taking it back. So go take your shower, I’ll be sleeping on the couch.” he walks past him to get pillows from their bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grabs his wrist, stopping him from getting anywhere, “You know I loved them too.” that much was true. He saw them every time they visited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go of me.” Luke tries to loosen Alex’s grip with his other hand, but it’s no use.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let. Go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to cuddle you, and wake up with you next to me.” he didn’t realize how hard he was gripping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would often zone out, and think of the times that his dad would yell at him as a kid when he and Luke fought about absolutely nothing. He didn’t have any perception of how hard he was gripping, or how hurtful his words were when he was this deep in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hurting me.” Luke forces his hand away, snapping the drummer out of it. The realization crashes through him, and tears well in his eyes. “Hey, it’s okay.” he wraps his arms around him. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing about his “shutdowns” is that he really can’t help it. They come along with the occasional panic attack, and crying, but to him, shutdowns are much worse, because there is no limit to what Alex can do when he’s having one. It’s terrifying, but Luke knows that if anyone can get to Alex, it’s him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t sleep on the couch.” Alex leans into Luke’s shoulder with tears still streaming from his eyes. “I know I messed up, but I can’t get through the night without you. I’m scared of the dark.” he admits. It makes Luke giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t.” he laughs, ruffling Alex’s hair with the hand that’s not currently wrapped around him. “Now get in the shower, you smell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you make us dinner?” Alex mumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not unless you want to eat spaghetti for the fourth time in a row.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, I don’t know if my stomach can handle your garlic marinara sauce again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? It’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only when your mom makes it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair, now get in the shower before you forget.” he pats his back like he would if he were hugging Reggie or Bobby, because if he thinks about what might come later, he might drive himself crazy before he even gives Alex the chance to pleasure him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, the fight has come and gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears the shower turn on, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself while he waits. Alex usually takes long showers because he feels comfort in how the water splashes onto his back. Either way, Luke was stuck alone for the next thirty minutes to an hour with nothing to do, so he decided working on songs was the best way to go. He tried not to think about what Alex was doing right now in the shower. His hands lathering the soap onto his muscles, wait no, he can’t think about this right now, he has work to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying his best to follow Alex’s orders and not touch himself while he’s away so that he can be rewarded, the words that form on the page in front of him are way too sexual for even Reggie and Bobby to hear. It’s no use, he can’t think about anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs a pillow, and digs it into his face, trying to face the urge to relieve himself. He checks the time, 1:22 AM, he’s only been away for ten minutes, and Luke is already losing it. He doesn’t want to prove that he’s a brat, or that he needs Alex. But maybe it’s time that he admits to himself that he is, and that he wants to be laid down and taken care of by his boyfriend, breaking every rule he’s given while he does, because Alex’s punishments are much better than his rewards, and he wants to be dominated by someone who he loves more than anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs and reaches for the remote, the channel was already on Friends, which was something Alex enjoyed, and Luke tried so hard not to think of him and pay attention to the show, but he can’t. He gives up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joining Alex in the shower wasn’t technically breaking the rules, right? This was allowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sees him storm in through the clear shower curtain and start to take off his clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke, what are you doing?” surprisingly, they had never done anything like this before. Their showers were their alone time, but not anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joining you.” he struggles with his socks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy there tiger, I haven’t said that I’d take back my word about you not getting anything tonight. That’s the only way I can punish you without you liking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He steps in the shower, immediately getting burned by the water. He turns the nozzle to where he likes it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brat.” Alex mumbles underneath his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shut up, you love it.” Luke stands on his tippy-toes and darts his tongue into Alex’s mouth, hoping that it’s enough convincing. Alex presses his hands against the walls, not giving in because he knows being touched is Luke’s favorite thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke,” he can barely say anything before the guitarist cuts him off with more kisses, “You need to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” a gentle kiss, “I’ve been waiting for it all day.” he lowers down to his knees and wraps his hand around Alex’s cock, “and you’re already </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard.” his mouth waters a little when he starts leisurely stroking him, waiting for a yes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what happens next time when you misbehave?” he asks, cupping Luke’s jaw in his large hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll let you torture me for all I care, just please,” he bites into the skin of his hip, “let me suck your dick, daddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex raises his eyebrows. Luke has never called him that before, and in all honesty, even though his dad was a raging asshole that abused him as a kid, he didn’t hate Luke saying it. It turned him on, made him want to say yes, and even made him want to hear it come out of Luke’s pretty little mouth again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, love.” he pets his wet hair out of his face. Luke smiles and wraps his lips around the head, licking at his slit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter how many times Alex has felt this exact sensation, it still makes him moan and throw his head back, knees a bit weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke laughs at Alex’s reaction and starts taking him further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That feels so good.” Alex groans and licks his lips, leaning his hands against the walls for support. Luke smiles and pushes his cock even deeper into his mouth. He’s done this a million times, he’s practically an expert at how to tip Alex Mercer over the edge. “Look at me.” Alex demands. Luke bats his eyelashes and meets the drummer’s gaze with hunger. He swallows around the head and chokes, tears welling in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it easy, baby.” Alex rests his hand on Luke’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you please fuck me after this?” he strokes Alex’s length and laps at his balls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One thing at a time.” Alex’s eyes roll into the back of his head making an </span>
  <em>
    <span>ah</span>
  </em>
  <span> sound and sucking in a breath. Luke twists his hand at the tip, and sucks his balls into his mouth, prodding at them with his tongue. “Fuck.” Alex sighs, gripping aggressively into Luke’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke chuckles and goes back to bobbing his head on the shaft. His nails scratch at the back of Alex’s thighs that slightly shake from pleasure. A bead of precum forms at the head and onto Luke’s tongue, soliciting a moan from the guitarist. Alex’s hips buck forward into Luke’s mouth making him gag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like that, huh?” Alex looks down at him. Luke just nods and swallows around his cock again, letting him fuck his mouth. And then all movement stops, and Alex’s dick houses itself in Luke’s esophagus. The only sound is the running water hitting Alex’s back, and Luke’s soft gags that bless the drummer’s ears. Drool streams down Luke’s chin, but he doesn’t dare pull off until Alex gives him permission, worried that he might still be getting his punishment later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good job, baby.” Alex praises. Luke pulls away and smiles up at him stroking his cock a few times before wrapping the tip around his lips again. “Fuck,” Alex breathes throwing his head back, “you’re gonna make me come.” he laughs and tries to balance himself as Luke bobs his head and massages his balls. Luke tries not to touch himself and focus on tipping Alex over the edge, but he’s so needy, and he wants to finish too. His hand trails down to his erection and wraps his hand around himself, moaning at the sudden attention he was receiving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had other plans, kicking his hand out of reach of his cock, “Luke,” he warns, “be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guitarist looks up at him, swirling his tongue around the tip and placing a kiss there before getting back to work. Alex is so close to finishing, he might pass out. His vision gets blurry, and all he can see is white when he finally lets go and releases all of the tension he had built up from tonight into Luke’s mouth with quiet moans escaping his throat. Luke continues, and swallows every single drop that is provided without hesitation. Alex pulls him up and licks into his mouth, tasting himself on Luke’s lips. He is nowhere near done with him, and the night is still young.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did so good.” his kisses trail down to Luke’s jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke’s lips brush against Alex’s cheek, “You wanna go again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck yeah.” Alex growls and sinks his nails into the meat of Luke’s ass. They kiss under the stream of water, slowly and full of passion until Alex gets back into it and a wave of arousal surges through him once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushes Luke against the wall, pinning his arms and interlacing their fingers, continuing to press their tongues together at the seal of each kiss. All Luke wants to do is file his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, and feel closer to him, but Alex won’t let up on his grip, and it’s driving Luke absolutely crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drummer sucks at the sensitive skin on Luke’s neck, hearing a change in the brunette’s breathing pattern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby,” Luke gasps, “baby please?” he can’t take it anymore, he just wants to be touched and used.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex squeezes Luke’s hands into his, “We’ll get there sweetheart. Just be patient. You can do that for me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.” Luke shuts his eyes, trying to think of anything else to keep him content. But the pressure of Alex’s body against his is too much for him to handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Alex pulls away and marvels at the purple marks he left and at Luke’s face. “Thanks for letting me do this stuff with you.” he brushes his nose along Luke’s jawline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke’s chest heaves, “Of course,” Alex gives him a quick kiss, “what kind of boyfriend would I be if I took control over the one thing in your life you’re allowed to take control of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyebrows furrow and he loosens his grip on Luke’s hands when he realizes he’s right. His parents didn’t let him control </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They decided what he wore, they decided what sports he should play, what friends he had, what his room looked like, and even tried to take control of his sexual orientation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no,” Luke wraps his arms around Alex’s muscles under his shoulders and kisses him wherever his lips can reach, “you can’t just leave me like this.” he worries that Alex isn’t in the mood anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drummer turns him around by the hips forcefully and presses him against the wall, “who said anything about leaving you like this?” he cups Luke’s ass with his hands, and kisses his neck over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much do you want it?” Alex bites into his bicep and presses into his torso.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So bad, Lex. It’s all I could think about at dinner. I wanted to bring you up to my old room and let you fuck me while my parents were watching tv. I thought about kissing you, and touching you, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>riding </span>
  </em>
  <span>you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex kisses behind Luke’s ear, “Do you want me to open you up, or are you ready?” he circles a digit into his hole, making Luke shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open me up.” his answer makes Alex smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect.” he inserts a finger and pumps it at a slow and sustainable pace. Luke rests into Alex’s chest, enjoying finally being on the receiving end of pleasure. He tilts his head back on Alex’s shoulder and bites his lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Alex lifts up half his weight for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah just trying to enjoy it while I can.” his hand reaches for the back of Alex’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are ridiculous.” Alex chuckles and speeds up his hand, pushing in and out much faster, looking for more of a reaction from Luke. Muffled moans escape the guitarist’s mouth, but it’s not quite enough. “Let me hear you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More.” Luke manages, starting to get louder. Alex complies and adds another digit without losing his rhythm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hurting you, am I?” Alex lets his guard down for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Luke leans in for a kiss, “it feels so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Alex grinds up into Luke’s body and spreads his fingers inside of him, desperate to open him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready,” Luke pants, “Just fuck me already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex turns him back around and licks at Luke’s lips, squeezing his fingers into his ass. “Wait here.” he rasps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, where are you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wait here.” he peppers kisses to his lips before running into the hallway. Luke crosses his arms and leans against the wall waiting for him to get back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing!” he calls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looking for condoms!” Alex checks the drawer in their dresser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We used the last one last week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex returns, “You still want to do this?” he steps back into the shower leaving the curtain open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is my name Luke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re funny.” Alex picks him up with a grunt and presses him against the wall again. The guitarist smiles, wrapping his legs around his waist and resting his arms on his shoulders, looking into his eyes while playing with the shaved part of his hair, “Luke, I love you.” he sighs, just taking in this moment without moving things forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” he meets Alex’s kiss, keeping it sweet and meaningful. Alex smiles and lines himself up with Luke’s entrance, slowly pressing in, and feeling the guitarist pull him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This okay?” he holds him by his thighs and kisses his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, just do it already.” he hugs him closer. Alex starts thrusting into him faster, making  Luke’s body jut against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s different feeling Alex inside of him without the condom in between them, but it feels more real, and the sensation is much better knowing that Alex is probably feeling how good the difference is too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke grasps into Alex’s hair and looks in front of him into the mirror of the medicine cabinet, seeing himself get fucked over Alex’s shoulder. It’s mesmerizing watching himself in the act, and Alex definitely wasn’t wrong every time he called him gorgeous while they had sex. He was hot, and there was no shame in admitting it. He rests his head against the tile and moans Alex’s name, still watching himself like he’s not the one getting fucked. Alex is in control, but the way it looks on an outsider's point of view that he now has, he’s the one that’s being worshipped, being kissed on the neck, having hands roam around his body like it’s something that </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be worshipped. He had Alex wrapped around his finger, and watching it all unfold was turning him on.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he gasps, reading into his fantasy. Alex distracts him by pressing their lips together, pulling him back to reality where the only person that even remotely makes him feel this good, is the beautiful boy in front of him. He has no more interest in watching himself, because Alex is a reminder of everything he loves about sex, not himself, but being close to someone he really, truly loves. He’s had plenty of sex with girls, and it felt nothing like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” Alex sighs when the water starts feeling cold on their skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stop.” Luke presses kisses to his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to, unless you want to use all of our money on the water bill.” he turns off the shower and pulls out. He tries to put Luke down, but he won’t unwrap his legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, we can resume this in the bedroom, but we have to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make me.” he rasps, filing his fingers through Alex’s hair and sucking hickeys into his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke,” he warns, drying his hair with his towel. But Luke wants this too bad to let go. Alex wraps his arms around him and steps out of the tub, carrying him to their room, being mindful of the window in the hall. The cold air fills both of their veins, but they have each other to keep warm, that is until Alex tosses Luke onto the bed, but all warmth is restored when he leans down again to lick into his mouth. He places Luke’s legs on each side of his hips and pushes back into him with more need and want than ever. It’s so late, and Alex is so tired, but seeing Luke like this gives him a splash of energy, and gives him the motivation to keep going until he finishes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His wet hair drips down onto the sheets with every hard and rough thrust that he gives to him. Bracing himself on the bed, he watches the way Luke reacts to each jut of his hips, and angles himself to hit the brunette’s prostate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke arches up, and practically screams ‘yes’ and ‘fuck’ until he almost loses his voice. Alex snorts and kisses his face out of love without slowing down or changing the pace. Luke is a wreck, and Alex likes seeing  him this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like that,” Luke bites his lip and tries not to lose it, “I’m so close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex peppers a kiss to his lips, and flips them over until Luke is on top. Luke stables himself on his chest and starts moving his hips. “Relax.” Alex reminds him. Luke nods back, but he’s so lost in the feeling of Alex inside of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s mesmerizing for the blonde to watch, and he feels so good right now. He bucks his hips up, chasing release, and Luke bends down to his lips, letting out quiet moans as they trade kisses to each other’s mouths. This is so easily the best sex they have had in months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Alex chokes out, pulling from the kiss and throwing his head back against the mattress. He caresses Luke’s thighs and concentrates on listening to his boyfriend’s moans while he bounces on his dick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke reaches down and starts stroking himself rapidly. “I’m gonna come.” he mumbles, just loud enough to get Alex’s attention. The drummer praises him and touches him, lifting his head to see him. Luke lets out an erotic moan and moves his hand lightning fast on his cock and slowing down his hips when he comes. He’s so sweaty and hot for Alex, painting his chest with ropes of white with a gasp. Alex never stops praising him through his orgasm, hoping he can get the same treatment when it’s finally his turn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke collapses onto Alex’s chest with a huff, “You did so good, baby.” Alex brushes his hair out of his face and kisses his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you want to finish?” Luke asks so sweetly, pushing up to look at Alex and kissing him on the nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Inside you.” he tucks Luke’s hair behind his ear, hoping it wasn’t too much to ask. They’ve only ever used a condom, but he wants Luke to know how good he makes him feel. Luke nods and kisses him before moving his hips again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to feel you come inside me.” he whispers into Alex’s ear. He was always a fan of dirty talk, which Alex certainly doesn’t mind. He sits up, keeping Luke on his lap, and kisses him with so much want and passion, roaming his hands wherever they can reach on Luke’s body. It’s so ironically intimate, much like their first time, but so much more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex-” Luke breathes when lips suck at his neck, deepening the shade of the hickeys he received much earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” the drummer lets out a long and drawn out moan, laying back down against the bed and folding his arm over his forehead. “I’m so close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke smiles and rubs his thumbs across Alex’s nipples until they harden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so much.” that’s definitely the pleasure talking. He repeats it over and over until he’s so close to the edge it hurts. The way Luke looks at him is so loving and so gentle, he can’t hold back anymore. He surges forward a moment before he’s spilling into Luke with a loud and hungry moan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke doesn’t stop, riding him through his orgasm, and feeling him finish inside him. He slows down a bit near the end of his climax, feeling Alex jerk forward and one last spurt of come fill him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” Alex laughs, turning to Luke when he flops on the bed beside him. “That was-” he can’t even find the words now that he’s back in the right headspace. His chest is still heaving, and he’s still trying to wrap his head around what just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… we’re never buying condoms again.” Luke laughs like it’s a stunning revelation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I am not.” Alex agrees, raising his eyebrows at how ridiculous he would have sounded to his younger self. He’s spent hundreds of dollars on something that blocked him from feeling the real thing, which was so much better thank you very much. He can’t help but get a little upset at wasted money he could have used on so many other things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex?” Luke catches his attention, but his voice sounds sad and broken, and nothing like how he just heard him crack a joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” he questions, worried that the night is ruined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask you a question and you promise to answer without making me feel like shit?” he sounds defeated and his voice is much softer than normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs deeply, “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke sits up and looks down at him, “why did you ask to talk to my parents in private?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, because I guess, I wanted to ask them how my family was doing, why?” that wasn’t believable in the slightest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay if you want to break up with me, you can just say it. You don’t have to go talk to them about it.” tears well in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No. I’m not breaking up with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why did you do it?” his lip quivers. Alex doesn’t understand how something so good can turn into something so bad so fast. “Just tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you cheat on me?” it’s happened before in the past. He was high, and it wasn’t serious, but somehow he woke up in some guy’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it? Are you drinking again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Luke-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we told each other everything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do.” Alex reaches for Luke’s hands, but he pulls away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to believe you Alex, I really do, but you’ve been off lately. A-and I don’t know what to expect from you anymore. One day you come home happy, and we fuck, and then the next you’re mad and you don’t even want to touch me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Then how come we haven’t even kissed in a week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m allowed to be angry sometimes, Luke.” he retorts, “the guys at work are real assholes, and they just found out about us. They call me ‘fag’ and ‘housewife’ and it pisses me off. I can’t do anything about it unless I want to lose my job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you take it out on the one person who loves you like you should be loved? The one person who has your back? The one person who is still with you even though you cheated on him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was three years ago! I was high!” he knows those aren’t real reasons, but after three years, he’d figure Luke had gotten over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It still happened.” his breath hitches and he wipes his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby,” Alex reaches for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t touch me.” Luke stands up out of his reach. He bites his fingernails and thinks for a moment. “I’m gonna go take a bath.” His hair is still wet from the shower, but he just needs to settle down before the night gets worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex debates stopping him, because he genuinely doesn’t know if they can afford it, but he worked extra shifts this month, and the kid just needs a bath. So he sits there, staring at nothing, hearing the faucet in the bathroom. He sighs and trudges through the dirty clothes that Luke had left on the floor forever ago, searching for a pair of clean underwear. He steps into them, and emerges into the kitchen to make dinner. It’s so late, but he’s hungry, and he can imagine Luke is too. All they had at his parents’ house was a few handfuls of chips and dip. He decides that mac and cheese is the easiest thing to make.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke sits teary eyed and silent in the tub. Alex doesn’t even have time to eat, too worried about him to not check on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you just trying to be mean or do you actually think I liked that guy?” not a good start, but Alex is so paranoid not to start that way. Luke knows that he means well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of everything I said, that’s what stuck with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanna know if you actually believe it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cocks his head, “guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just answer the question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is the question, Alex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I liked that guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t the point. You cheated on me, and I’m still here. That is the point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t about you.” he leans against the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what was it about?” Luke tries to mentally prepare himself for the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs, “He was my ex. I was sixteen, and I thought we were still in love. I didn’t tell you we were dating when we were, because I wasn’t out. He was my first kiss, he was my first make out, and he was my first time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Do you want me to make you cry or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke stays silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may have gotten away from your parents, but you still haven’t figured out this part. Why do you like being hurt? You always feed off of me yelling at you like you didn’t get enough from your family. It’s not normal, it’s not healthy, and it filters through every aspect of our relationship. I had sex with him, Luke,  but we did it to make ourselves feel loved, not to completely numb ourselves from everything else in our lives.” he kneels beside the tub, resting his arms, “You second guess everything I do. That’s what this is all about. You think I talked to them for advice. Which I did, but I promise it’s nowhere near what you’re thinking. You think maybe I’ve moved on and I don’t need you anymore, don’t you? Because you can’t fathom that maybe I’m with you because I love you.” he rests his chin on his hands, “I just love you, baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you need advice for, then?” his lips quivers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to ask you to marry me.” Alex settles.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>